Between Discipline and Moderation: Educating the Ego in Today’s Classrooms
Who’s the Boss: Rules, Empathy in the Classroom, or Ego?
Ideally, the world should be governed by law and order. Perhaps that’s because, for centuries, human selfishness has reigned—subtly or overtly—over societies, systems, and relationships. Even from infancy, humans are wired to fulfill their needs first, then their wants, until they transform into their egos. So, are we raising children to be egotistical or egoless? And more importantly, can education serve as the bridge to something better?
That very question becomes urgent as we look at today's classroom dynamics—where discipline issues, mental health challenges, and a culture of self-centeredness converge. Should we focus on teaching our kids to be less selfish, before they realize that the real world doesn’t revolve around the “Me”. Or is this too extreme to ask?
The Rise of Mental Health Issues in a Rewired Generation
Let me begin by explaining how I believe families today are becoming enablers of something that, deep down, may ultimately destroy what they once believed their children needed—when in reality, it was the root of consequences they never anticipated. In his recent book, Anxious Generation - How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, social psychologist, Jonathan Haidt (2024) examines how the digital revolution, particularly the shift to phone-based childhoods, is driving a global epidemic of youth mental illness. Between 2008 and 2020, anxiety among young adults (ages 18–25) increased by 134%, particularly in Western societies like the U.S.
Haidt argues that this spike is partly due to children losing traditional, play-based childhoods and being immersed in screen-based environments from an early age. “We ended up overprotecting children in the real world while underprotecting them in the virtual world” (Haidt, 2024, p. 56). The result is a generation less equipped to navigate real-life conflict, self-regulate emotions, or delay gratification.
Back to Discipline? The Policy Response
As we confront this reality, teachers are increasingly challenged by behaviors that threaten the very future of education. Addressing these challenges has become a top priority in educational circles. The term school discipline—long part of the conversation—is once again taking center stage. Though it carries political weight, the philosophy appears to be making a strong return. In the recent article School Discipline Makes a Comeback Wall Street Journal reported a sharp rise in classroom misbehavior and noted how states like Texas and Arkansas are passing laws to empower teachers to remove disruptive students (Butcher, 2024). In Texas alone, over 3,300 school employees were assaulted by students during the 2023–2024 academic year. New legislation now makes it easier for educators to assign in-school suspensions and remove violent students permanently from classrooms.
Author and educator Daniel Buck supports this return to firmer policies. In the book What Is Wrong With Our Schools (2023), he warns that “keeping disruptive students in classrooms only robs their peers of learning time,” especially in under-resourced schools. He argues that the achievement gap only grows wider when student behavior goes unchecked.
Yet the tension remains: Is this approach too harsh? Are we ignoring the emotional needs of disruptive students in favor of adult convenience? Or are we finally enforcing the kind of boundaries that real life inevitably delivers?
Toward a More Balanced Framework
The answer, as always, may lie in nuance. Behavioral challenges often stem from unaddressed trauma, lack of emotional regulation skills, or inconsistent adult responses. In her book book Discover Connect Respond Elise White Diaz (2022) underscores that “there is no formula or one-size-fits-all approach to working with students from hard places” (p. 225). However, identifying what works best for each student and building relationships based on trust—especially with those who have faced adversity—can make a meaningful difference.
Similarly, Marty Huitt (2023) in Cultivating Behavioral Change in K-12 Students introduces the BIST (Behavior Intervention Support Team) model, a framework focused on equipping students to make healthy decisions. The philosophy is to “empower students to make decisions right for them so they can be successful in all facets of life” (p. 23). Huitt offers three root causes for student misbehavior:
They don’t know any better
They are testing limits—where consistency is crucial
They cannot manage their emotions
Huitt talks about “discipline in balance” by pointing out two opposite directions “Enabling and counter-aggression,” (p.20)) and suggests a framework: early intervention, emotional protection, accountability, and direct teaching of missing skills. This all sounds promising, and according to the author, there is evidence of high success rates—at least until students begin to take ownership of their actions and develop the independence to make the right choices.
From Egoistical to Egoless
I would like to conclude with this thought: Because we—at every stage of life, from infancy to childhood to adulthood—are all created differently and respond to situations in unique ways, I continue to ask:
Should the focus be on discipline, therapy, or the provision of tools to cultivate behavioral change? The last option seems like a golden middle ground, and perhaps the most balanced solution. But is it truly effective if a child never learns that fulfilling their ego is not the path to lasting happiness?
Paradoxically, learning to let go of the ego might become the ego’s most faithful ally.
So, what’s the right approach? Is it about offering solutions that cut straight to the point—letting kids face the real-world consequences of their actions now? Or is it about guiding them to become proactive individuals without fueling further rebellion?
Ultimately, I believe it begins with teaching children that not everything revolves around “me,” is for “me,” happens to “me,” or is done by “me.” It’s in this shift—from self-centeredness to selflessness—that real growth begins. Sometimes, real freedom begins where ego ends.
References
Buck, D. (2023). What is wrong with our schools: The ideology impoverishing education in America and how we can do better. Post Hill Press.
Butcher, J. (2024, April 22). School discipline makes a comeback. Wall Street Journal.
https://www.wsj.com
Diaz, E. W. (2022). Discover, connect, respond: Creating trauma-informed classrooms by building relationships and trust. Seidlitz Education.
Haidt, J. (2024). The anxious generation: How the great rewiring of childhood is causing an epidemic of mental illness. Penguin Press.
Huitt, M. (2023). Cultivating behavioral change in K–12 students: The BIST model. Master Teacher.